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Joke of the Day

"If you're American when you go into the bathroom... ...and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? European"

"I'm like that guy at the beginning of infomercials that is unable to do simple shit, i just burns everything and i cant figure out blankets."

"I'm going to subtly spread my brownie crums across your car because I silently resent you for changing the song."

"A guy walks into his room with a duck under his arm... and says ""This is the pig I've been fucking."" His wife says ""That's not a pig, it's a duck."" He says ""I wasn't talking to you."""

"Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany? Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race..."

"What's the difference between Trump and my mom. Putin doesn't have pictures of my mom fucking a 12 year old Russian boy."

"Why aren't there any asprins in the jungle? The parrots-eat-em-all."

"Human Beings get rich as they grow old Silver in Hair; Gold in Teeth; Sugar in Blood; Precious Stones in Kidneys; . And a never ending supply of Gas!"

"What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public? A private tooter"

"My friend is an idiot. Both of us spot a gorgeous woman standing about 30 feet away. Friend: What should I do? Me: Court her. Friend: Dude, I don't have any change..."