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Joke of the Day
"Every time I drive by a church my Praydar goes fucking ballistic."
Next Joke
"Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief."
"A woman screams as she gives birth... ""What's wrong, honey?"" her husband asks. ""What's wrong?!?"" the woman shouts, ""THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"" ""Sorry babe. *What is* wrong?"""
"For most, bikini season lasts a few short summer months, but I catch enough & store them so efficiently I can eat bikini all year round."
"I'm trying to get my wife to quit smoking. Maybe I should slow down and use a lubricant."
"How do cats admit they're gay? They come out of the clawset."
"I just found out I passed my drug test.... Which means my dealer has some explaining to do."
"""I've found that I'd scream the exact same way If a piece of seaweed touches my leg or if a shark were trying to bite me."" - Kevin James"
"You can really scare someone when you yell ""Peek-a-boo!"". Especially when they're trying on clothes in the fitting room."
"Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls."