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Joke of the Day

"""I've found that I'd scream the exact same way If a piece of seaweed touches my leg or if a shark were trying to bite me."" - Kevin James"

"FYI Valentines Day is only 5 days away... It's not too late to break up."

"What did the priest say before eating his salad? ""Lettuce pray"""

"How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar? Throw it under a bus."

"I don't take my wallet to work because I'm afraid someone will steal it while I'm sleeping."

"Why are octopuses so dangerous? Because they TENTACLE."

"3 old ladies go to a baseball game with a bottle of liquor. They finish the bottle...what inning is it and what are the circumstances on the field? Bottom of the fifth and all the bags are loaded."

"God hates a coward! ...He ain't to fond of idiots either"

"Today's the 3rd anniversary of my joining Twitter. Also the 3rd anniversary of the last time I spoke to my family or read a book."

"The city of North Hollywood keeps trying to get us to call them ""NoHo."" Does this mean I have to refer to Hollywood as ""Ho?"""