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Joke of the Day

"What's the most overused joke nowadays? Donald Trump"

"What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore? I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)"

"Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies. Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts."

"Why shouldn't you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine? Because doing so would be incense-itive!"

"How do you call an intelligent blonde? A Labrador."

"What happened to the dwarf who walked between a lady's legs? He got a clit around the ear and a flap on the face."

"When a big account that doesn't follow me stars me suddenly, I crouch down and stay still, hoping it will tiptoe up and eat from my hand."

"I just realized that I get most of my news from Twitter. So... someone remind me what Pres Bieber's health care bill will do to your mom?"

"Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don't they rotate enough while the car is moving? Mechanic: Omg you're right! What a scam. I truly apologize."

"I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people"