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Joke of the Day

"Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies. Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts."

"What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted"

"The best thing about being productive is going to bed knowing you did something. Or I think that's how productive people feel. I don't know."

"You know, Christmas is a lot like anal... Everyone always says it is better to give than to receive, but when you do you inevitably get shit in return."

"Sir, you will have to stop masturbating. ""Why, doctor?"" ""Because I'm trying to examine you!"""

"A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg. Authorities say something sinister is afoot."

"Need expensive surgery? Tell a surgeon you're auditioning a few before picking one. Have them do the surgery then say ""OK I'll let you know"""

"Have you heard the one about the magic tractor? It drove down the lane and turned into a field."

"Did you know that Ireland is the richest country in the world? It's capital has been Dublin for a long time."

"Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet, I have to watch and make sure it dosen't come back, zombie style, with revenge in it's tiny heart."