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Joke of the Day

"I saw a tree harassing people today... So I told it to leaf them alone."

"i went to middle school with a kid named jonathan math. poor dude was HORRIBLE at math. the expectations of his last name weighed too heavy"

"A little boy skips school... Grandpa: ""Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!!"" Little Boy: ""No you go hide because I told her you were dead!"""

"It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Preferably not on the point of impact."

"Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?- Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's"

"Cannibals clowning around Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them stops, licks his lips and says ""does this taste funny to you"""

"It's okay when Daisy Duck walks around in high heels and with no pants on but when I do it people are all ""this is a church, young lady."""

"What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest? Dinomite"

"Autocorrect, no matter how many times I tell you, I don't want anyone's duck in my can't."

"Bouncy balls are super fun if you love to play with something very briefly, then spend 45 minutes looking for it in a shrub."