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Joke of the Day

"*wakes up early on weekend *makes 12 pancakes *wakes kids up ""Daddy, can we have waffles today???"" *eats 12 pancakes"

"Why You Need Insurance by Justin Case"

"I'm gonna write a book about the Amish... its really a hit or Amish."

"[sliding $5 to the zookeeper] Maybe one of those penguins ends up in my car?"

"Monday morning coffee is just as important as Friday night liquor....almost."

"My wife is a big Tennis fan and was telling me how distracting she finds the constant grunting noises during the women's matches. I have promised her I will stop."

"I'd like to die in my sleep like my grandpa Comfortably, unlike the rest of the people in his car"

"Why do Ninjas always wear black? The skilled ones don't."

"Burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. Should have put it on aloha setting."

"Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me ""YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO."" Brain: Perfect!"