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Joke of the Day

"If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO <badumpa>"

"Husband: Let's try a different position tonight. Wife: That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

"I lay on the grass looking up at the clouds. 'That woolly one looks like a fist' I say, as Jack punches me again."

"I talk a lot of shit for someone who won't sleep with her feet out from under the covers because of the monsters under the bed."

"2 cats are watching a tennis match... After a while, one cat turns to the other and says... ""My father is in that racquet !!!"""

"Most of us were taught to never get in cars with strangers, so taxi cabs make absolutely no sense."

"Leave Apple alone! All they wanted to do was jack off."

"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton ended up in a car crash who would be saved? America"

"I don't believe in gender equality because there are just some things I'm not meant to do. Like be the sane one in a relationship."

"I found a shop that sells clothing made of brick. It's a hardware store."