95986

Joke of the Day

"""Oh hello, I didn't see you there!"" - Translation: I have failed to avoid you"

"does the voice recognition on your phone work i don't know im trying to submit a post on reddit please stop talking you're messing me up"

"I'm in trouble with my wife. I totally forgot her special birthday' that was such a big deal apparently. Still, everything went fine and it was a healthy baby boy!"

"Italian moms vs. Jewish moms At dinner the Italian mom says to their children, ""eat..eat.. or I'll kill you!"" Where as the Jewish mom says, ""eat... eat.. or I'll kill myself!"""

"Got a booty text from my ex-husband so I did the logical thing and forwarded it to his new girlfriend."

"Did you hear about the guy that went to court over a stolen bag? It was a brief case."

"I know a guy who collects candy canes... ...they are all in mint condition."

"party idea: ""DUI or IUD?"" u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN'T divulge which"

"Nissan trucks. What, are you expecting there to be a punch line?"

"What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and a greyhound. The Greyhound waits for the hair to appear first."