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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the first migrant off the boat? Amhere What do you call the second migrant off the boat? Amhere Azwel What do you call the third migrant off the boat? Amhere Azwell Azhim"

"I know I'm gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up."

"The way I feel when a waiter brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he's not the father."

"Ladies, if you get in an argument with a guy and you have no chance of winning, start playing with your boobs. Trust me on this one."

"i hope people on September 2nd 1885 were flipping out on Back to the Future Part III day"

"My mother is like cloud storage. Everyone shares her and i have no idea where she's located. Ps: I don't know if i phrased everything correctly."

"some people want youtube to host the VMAs next year... i think there'd be too many ads :/"

"me: [letting dog lick my face] wife: that's disgusting me: [squirting shampoo into my hand] you're the one who used all the hot water linda"

"cant take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge.... you are coming to my room"

"A hipster coffee shop would be a terrible idea. Everyone would burn their tongues because they would drink the coffee before it was cool."