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Joke of the Day

"A hipster coffee shop would be a terrible idea. Everyone would burn their tongues because they would drink the coffee before it was cool."

"[Hostage situation] Um I don't want to be ""that hostage"", but I just want to let you know I have a gluten allergy."

"What's a fish's favourite band? Stickelback!"

"what's worse than messing up a puchline to a joke To get to the other side!!!"

"The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons."

"I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants."

"What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch? -rated movies"

"what's the difference between oral and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal makes your hole weak."

"An Englishman an Irishman & a Scotsman... An Englishman an Irishman & a Scotsman get into a cab. The driver turns around and says ""Sorry gents I'm Muslim, I can't take a joke."""

"I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters. It's shift work."