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Joke of the Day

"While we are on the offensive jokes, here's mine:""What's better than fucking a 13 year old boy against a barbwire fence?"" ""Nothing"""

"DATE: You hear that an ostrich escaped from the zoo? ME: [from the kitchen] No DATE: Oh. What's for dinner? ME: A suspiciously large chicken"

"Why don't women wear skirts during winter? They'll get chapped lips!"

"The human body is basically flavored water"

"I accidentally knocked over my daughters giant Lego building she made. It's ok though, I blamed it on radical Muslims like a good American."

"The lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life""... But John came in fifth and won a toaster instead."

"How do you make Holy Water? Boil the hell out of it."

"Why do the bees have honey? Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing."

"Autocorrect changed ""you're so wise"" to ""you're so wide"", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory... but you couldn't park anywhere near the place. [credit to Stephen Wright]"