114938

Joke of the Day

"Autocorrect changed ""you're so wise"" to ""you're so wide"", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home."

"What is the worst part about being a black jew? Having to sit in the back of the oven."

"""Another mans thrash is another mans treasure"" Apparently this is not a good way for saying you are adopted to your kid"

"I don't always tell Dad jokes... But I've been saving the best ones for twenty years, and we're going have such a laugh when he comes back with those smokes!"

"So my 10yr old & her friends were talkin about 'seizures' in class & this random kid yells out 'I LOVE their breadsticks!' Can I adopt him?"

"A man was killed with a starter pistol today Police think it might have been race related."

"Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call."

"What's the difference between Hitler and Donald Trump? One made a killer microwave."

"Daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services."

"Political Satire If con is the opposite of pro, then what's the opposite of progress? Also, opposite of consitution."