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Joke of the Day

"The lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life""... But John came in fifth and won a toaster instead."

"They say we are created in Gods image. So does that mean he smells the toilet paper after wiping too?"

"Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs? She had to call an eggs-terminator!"

"Actually, letting your dog run around the yard while wearing your Fitbit increases the numbers waaaaay better than putting it on your cat."

"I'm not racist, I hate ALL black people."

"Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one."

"Hell is filled with news anchors tapping stacks of papers on desks and engaging in lighthearted end-of-broadcast banter."

"I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower."

"""Ok, hear me out. What if we gave people enough for three fries?"" -guy who invented ketchup packets"

"What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Everyone thinks it's 'R', but his first love be the 'C'."