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Joke of the Day

"When Conor McGregor finishes in 13 seconds, everybody cheers But when I finish in 13 seconds, my girlfriend won't talk to me"

"What's the fastest way to get a female Officer to arrest you? Liquor."

"I have a habit of standing naked in the laundry room wondering what to wear. This may have contributed to my immense popularity in college."

"I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today.. On the front they say 'I would do anything for love' and on the back they say 'But I wont do that!'"

"How many Viet Nam vets does it take to change a light bulb? You don't know? That's right, you *don't* know, because you weren't there, man!"

"Why is it called 'Your Bowels' and not 'Your Instinks'"

"What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? one less drunk"

"All work and no play makes Jack an unsuccessful stage performer."

"Hitler on mining ""Sir, we are mining too many useless ores"" [Hitler rubs chin] ""So mine less"" [Grammar Nazi bursts through the door] ""MINE FEWER!"" [Hitler looks up] ""Yes?"""

"I like my coffee like I like my women.... Ground up and in the freezer!"