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Joke of the Day

"I don't know how to tell my friends . . . that rather than hang out with them, I would prefer to be at home, alone, daydreaming about having better friends I would actually want to hang out with."

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"There was two people in the bus I wasn't the one who farted"
"My nephew asked, ""What's the secret to a long life?"" I said, ""Never order vegetarian in Texas"""
"""You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"" ""Mister President, we've been over this..."""
"I hate it when people call me contrary. I am *not* contrary!"
"Black Ice Slipped on ice today. Didnt know it was black ice until my wallet was gone."
"What is it called when you kill a chickpea? Hummuside"
"Knock knock knock knock knock. Who's there? Michael J Fox"
"TIL Gerry Rafferty of Stealers Wheel is buried in the same graveyard as Ronald McDonald and Heath Ledger. He has a clown to the left of him and a joker to the right."
"Reddit vs the Titanic At least the Titanic had a band"