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Joke of the Day

"""You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"" ""Mister President, we've been over this..."""

"What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party? A turn up"

"I accidentally heated my Hot Pocket for 20:00 instead of 2:00 and now there's a giant radioactive Hot Pocket in my apartment watching my tv"

"[At supermarket] ""Excuse me do you work here?"" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job"

"What's a narcoleptics favorite game? Hide and go sleep."

"whats 72?? Q: What's 72? A: 69 with three people watching."

"What's it called when you backtalk someone so hard they die? A sassination."

"So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me. How dairy."

"Two Calamari Two calamari walk into a pub. Bartender asks, ""What'll ya have?"" ""We'll have a Hurricane and a Sex On the Beach"" says squid A. Bartender pauses and says, ""That'll be three squid then."""

"[narrating people dancing at a wedding] These humans are using their legs for the first time today"