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Joke of the Day

"my grandad came to this country with four pounds in his pocket, my nan was holding a suitcase full of cash & heroin"

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"[on a first date] Me: So do you like puppies? Her: Oh I love them Me: Ok, so we'll both have the puppies Waiter: Excellent choice, sir"
"What did the mermaid wear to her math class? An algae bra."
"Ever heard a good joke about sodium? Na"
"How many syllables does the word ""Gloria"" have? CATHOLICS: 18"
"Why are brides so happy on their wedding days? No more blowjobs."
"[christmas lights are being put up] Every moth ever: oh hell yeah"
"What's the difference between America and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for a couple of centuries, it'll grow a culture."
"What do you call an exemplary black housewife? Do'mestique"
"'Do Not Touch' Must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille"