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Joke of the Day

"I've spent the last hour masturbating on the couch. This psychiatrist seems to be taking a lot of notes."

"Why can't female medical examiners have kids? Because nobody puts baby in a coroner. Hey, at least it was original, again I will see myself out."

"What are Benedict Cumberbatch's fans called? Cumberbitches."

"Today holds a lot of meaning to me. Today is the 2 year anniversary that I lost my wife and children I'll never forget that game of cards."

"I bought what I thought was a Burger King But infact it was just a little Wimpy."

"ALBUS: It's a Time-Turner! We can travel back in time and change ANYTHING. SNAPE: That's amazing. We can save- ALBUS: Nah, gave it to a kid."

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change cuz I don't want to get up and find the remote."

"What happened to the butched after he backed into the meat grinder? he got a little ""behind"" in his work"

"A man enters a store and asks for a color printer, the cashier asks ""What color?"""

"What do you call Jamal's dad during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years? Hide n' Seek World Champion 2010-2016"