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Joke of the Day

"I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper... She said, ""Nobody uses newspapers anymore use my iPad"" and she was right, that spider died in one swing!"

Next Joke
 
"How do turtles communicate? With shell phones."
"What do you call a belt made of paper? A waist of paper. *knee slap*"
"*notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*"
"No longer bothered by my puns ... she's groan immune."
"Apparently 1 in 7 people in the world are Chinese. That means it's either me, my mum, dad, brother Steve, brother Craig, sister hanna, or brother huangxi. I suspect Craig."
"I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say ""Good morning"". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed."
"I once hung out with Dwyane Johnson and Danny Trejo... ...and I was literally stucked between the Rock and a hard face. ^^"
"What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? The same middle name."
"Hubs: "" Few glasses of wine tonight hun""? Me: "" Yeah, I had a glass of red"" Hubs : "" Just one eh"" Me: "" Well I use the same glass"""