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Joke of the Day

"Greatest pickup line that never works!! I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U."

"What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween? Depressed"

"How many brits are needed to change a light bulb None they just terminate their apartment contract."

"A woman screams as she gives birth... ""What's wrong, honey?"" her husband asks. ""What's wrong?!?"" the woman shouts, ""THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"" ""Sorry babe. *What is* wrong?"""

"Yo mama so fat, when she fell over nobody was laughing... ...but the ground was cracking up"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"KIDNAPPER: Get in the trunk ME: You're abducting me 4 days before Christmas? K: Heh yep ME: Omg thank you K: What ME: I'm all yours K: Wait"

"Mom: Any big plans today? Me: Yes, of course, my friend is coming over and... Mom: The mail doesn't come on Sundays. Me: Oh, then no. :'("

"Chris Hansen loses his job and has to get a new job as a cashier at Walmart ""Why don't you take a receipt?"""

"TIL John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife dies so he wrote Paradise Regained."