2083

Joke of the Day

"LISA GOPMAN: EATING DISORDER For as long as I can remember, I've had an eating disorder: reverse anorexia. It's when I look in the mirror and think I'm really skinny."

"Sorry Siri, talking to machines is not for me. I still get tongue-tied at the drive-through."

"A man walks into a bar He asks the bartender, ""Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?"" The bartender shakes his head and says, ""No, we only have plain."""

"Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales."

"Oh, you solved a murder? I guess that's cool. One time I didn't run over my ex when I saw him crossing the street. I prevented a murder."

"My mother told me that I took everything for granite. Apparently our house was made of sandstone."

"A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"I dont know why its called kidnapping, Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep"

"Why did Kanye West blow up the bakery? Because no one man should have all that flour."

"(NSFW) A friend of mine started dating a girl with special needs. Everyone is saying how sweet it is but I think he's fucking retarded."