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Joke of the Day

"I dont know why its called kidnapping, Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep"

"I entered a contest to win a set of really nice vegetable knives ...but no dice."

"Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead"

"How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute? Go to England and buy something"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7 Because 7 was a registered 6 offender"

"What did Abraham Lincoln say after a three-day drinking spree? ""I freed the what?"""

"You know what they said about the year old sheep that kept getting into trouble... ...he was a mutton for punishment."

"honey you gotta push that baby out faster, there's only like three seconds left on this vine"

"Donald Trump on Twitter: ""The Theater has always been a safe place"" Abraham Lincoln: ""Dude"""

"What's the best name for a male dildo-maker? [NSFW] Dick Smith."