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Joke of the Day
"When it's cold out I wear my UGG boots. When it's frustrating out I wear my UGH boots."
Next Joke
"Joke Q: Why do Jews like watching dirty movies backwards? A: Because they like the part were prostitute gives the money back!"
"What's the best part about fingering... What's the best part of fingering a psychic while she's on her period? You still get your palm red"
"[Noah's Ark] Noah: How will the animals reproduce? God: You took a male & female, right? Noah: YOU SAID BRING 2 YOU DIDN'T SAY 1 OF EACH SEX"
"Best thing about being a professional bagpiper is.. We get the best blow jobs."
"What are a plumber's favorite shoes? Clogs"
"My mother called me a son of a bitch... I barked back angrily."
"What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better perk up or somebody is going to think were nuts."
"If I hear a bang when I'm driving I just assume I broke the sound barrier. Not sure where all these dents are coming from though."
"Like grandpa always said, 'If you kids don't stop retweeting yourself, you'll go blind.'"