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Joke of the Day

"For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I'm being stalked"

"How do mathematicians solve constipation? They just work it out with a pencil!"

"Her legs spread so easy, I can't believe it's not butter."

"1. Sits in the bedroom 2. Doesn't leave the house 3. Doesn't go out with freinds My childhood punishments are my adult hobies "

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alma ! Alma who ? Alma-nack !"

"People Don't even say grace before meals anymore . They just Hold up Their Phones over the Plate , snap a Pic , & Post it on Instagram"

"Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Hot, dark and bitter."

"I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise his spirits... No pun intendid."

"Boss: Are you done with those reports yet? Me: Can you stop hovering over me? Boss: Sorry [turns off jetpack] Me: Much better."