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Joke of the Day

"I keep my friends clothes and my enemies toaster. As a result, they're now all my enemies, but they're naked & having cereal for brekkie."

"Put my grandma on speed dial Call that Instagram. My friend told me this a little while ago."

"My teacher's got a pretty face if you can read between the lines."

"My voicemail greeting: Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me."

"I'm 87 but have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel But it takes up too much room in my freezer, any suggestions?"

"I was going down on this guy.......... ..... He started playing with my hair. I mean, what a homo, right?"

"Never take for granted someone that can make you smile or the fact that you have something to smile about."

"Have you seem the movie ""constipation""? Of course not, it hasn't come out yet! -Repost from r/funny-"

"My dad just told me this one. What do Justin Beiber and Christmas trees have in common? Their balls are only for decoration."

"Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job? What's so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?"