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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between committing seppuku and impaling yourself with a sword? They're the same thing but committing seppuku comes with a little twist."

"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentacles."

"""Sorry I'm late! Was pointlessly checking the same 6 websites over & over again & lost track of time!"" - Honest Aziz Explaining Tardiness"

"What's the best joke you know that's kid-safe? I know plenty of raunchy jokes, but was asked this recently and came up blank"

"What kind of degrees do slaves get in college? Their Master's."

"How do Jews do a pregnancy test? The woman spreads her legs and the man throws a penny between them - if a hand darts out to snatch it up then it's a positive"

"Him: What traumatic event lead to you not believing in god? Me: oh, um, science."

"His palms are sweaty... His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*"

"A pirate walks into a bar With a steering wheel attached to his belt. Confused, the bartender asks the man ""Hey buddy, what's up with the wheel?"" The pirate replies ""Aaaargh, it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"""So, why do you want to be a veterinarian?"" [pictures an army of cyborg dogs with laser eyes and jet packs] ...I love to help animals."