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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between committing seppuku and impaling yourself with a sword? They're the same thing but committing seppuku comes with a little twist."

"The Humane Society will give Donald Trump $5 if he releases that thing on his head back into the woods."

"So I finally found a girl that swallows... But she's bulimic so it really doesn't count."

"RETIRED STUNTMAN: We didn't have fancy CGI. If the script said to drive a truck into a dinosaur, we drove a truck into a goddamn dinosaur."

"I've always wanted to own a funeral home.... With the slogan, ""We love it when business is dead."""

"What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market? Good morning ladies"

"My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup."

"What happened to the NSFW warning on r/Jokes? It stopped working like all those who got caught on reddit at work."

"England doesn't have kidney banks, but it has a Liverpool."

"What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves? Russell."