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Joke of the Day

"RETIRED STUNTMAN: We didn't have fancy CGI. If the script said to drive a truck into a dinosaur, we drove a truck into a goddamn dinosaur."

"Why don't dentists display their awards? Because they want to prevent plaque build-up."

"I've already accomplished* so much today *been afraid of a goose"

"How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris."

"What did the pirate say with a steering wheel down his pants? ""YARRR, IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!!!"""

"How do you lower the United State's debt problem? Elect a female president."

"If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep."

"Case against Congress A guy walks into his agent's office and says, ""Got a great movie idea. Guy hates Congress wants to bring them down."" Agent looks up and says, ""We'll never get the backing!"""

"So a horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender asks, ""Hey buddy, why the long face?"" The horse looks up and responds, ""I'm out of the job! Sarah Jessica Parker started doing her own stunts."""

"Some asshole has got my pen is what the nurse said when she noticed she had a rectal thermometer in her pocket. edit: punctuation."