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Joke of the Day

"You know why it's so difficult to put together a baseball team of egotists? Everyone wants to play first."

"What do call an ant that helps you with your taxes? An account-ant."

"All conspiracy theories are false. They're cooked up by the government to distract people from what they're doing."

"Why was the dog so depressed? He was having a hard time looking up."

"I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary."

"Why is unprotected ear sex unsafe? You can get hearing aids."

"Papa Bear: I wish he'd Mackle more. Mama Bear: I wish he'd Mackle less. Baby Bear: I tore the throat out of a girl who stole our porridge."

"What's the cheapest kind of meat? Deer testicals they're under a buck."

"Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall. As he turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'."

"You know what jokes are the worst? Lesbian jokes. Those are for pussies."