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Joke of the Day

"Just ate McDonalds after working out, which is the same as taking a shit after a shower."

"What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail !"

"""What's the difference between a blow job and a sandwich?"" Me: ""What's the difference between a blow job and a sandwich?"" Her: ""I don't know"" Me: ""Want to come over to my house for lunch?"""

"You're in love? Cool, I'm in sweatpants."

"Fancy Dress My mate and I decided to go to a fancy dress but he was adamant that we had to go dressed as Tom Chaplin and Jesse Quin. I wasn't very Keane on the idea."

"What do you call an unimportant pachyderm? It's irrelephant."

"You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands."

"My wife likes to look at my face while we have sex. So i gave her a picture of me for when she goes out."

"Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!"

"[hospital] ""Did my dad make it, doctor?"" Billy, your dad's in a better place now. [crying] ""HE'S DEAD?"" Haha no, he went to Disney World."