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Joke of the Day

"While shopping, look for this marker on where the gluten free aisle is at. You'll see a man with a gun to his mouth. Because, you know, bullets are gluten free."

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you."

"PASTOR: and the lord said unto uscan u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that"

"I asked my girlfriend why she always laughs after sex She says, it's an inside joke."

"Chick in front of me has 'Charley Horse' tattooed down the back of her leg. Cramp stamp."

"**What do you call it when an asian family has a feud** **LONG** division"

"Oh yeah bro? That's not what your mom said last night. I don't think so, anyway. It was a long conversation. She sounds well. Lovely person."

"I get Bi with a little help from my friends."

"I think my entire family is racist. I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me."

"Fun prank idea: Take your friend's fiancee to lunch and say things that give her doubts about the relationship."