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Joke of the Day
"Rape is a touchy subject"
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"Why did the vacuum get a raise? Because it sucked at its job."
"Whats a ducks favourite type of sex? [OC] Pondage"
"If I was a bodybuilder I would slather up with grease and slide to work instead of driving to save money."
"You scream, I scream, we all scream, then I leave the women's restroom."
"How do you get your dog to come? Fuck it."
"What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping? A clean sheet."
"Just took an opposite selfie of something I saw. Elsie? Otherie? Seeie? Oh, photo. Got it."
"I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
"Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun"