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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver."

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three Ho's."

"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. Hey it could happen!"

"My family and I are going camping for Memorial Weekend. I asked my mother if I could bring my trombone so I can practice, but she said no, because we might get ***banned.***"

"Thanks for reminding me to ""have a safe trip."" I was going to roll down a cliff and let the river float me to my destination. Close call."

"Remember, when someone calls you mean... just tell them that you prefer the term average."

"I'm about to tell my date that my penis is twelve inches wide. I don't know how she's going to take it."

"Drake the type of nigga to get a wanted star in Grand Theft Auto, drive to the police station and turn himself in."

"What did one tampon say to another tampon? Nothing, They were both stuck-up bitches."

"*pulls up pants* Me: It feels like I've got the world's worst wedgie! Proctologist: That's normal. M: ... P: Hey... Have you seen my glove?"