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Joke of the Day
"What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three Ho's."
Next Joke
"I'm not Anti-Social. I'm Pro-Doing Shit on my Phone."
"My girlfriend peed her pants and asked me if she was still beautiful. I told her, ""urinate out of ten."""
"Are you today's date? Because you're 10/10."
"I auditioned for a role in Star Wars: The Force Awakens Unfortunately, I was a white male."
"When I go shopping with my wife she thinks I'm bored because I'm looking at my phone the whole time. But that's exactly why I'm not bored."
"Who was Mako Mori's existentialist monk brother? Memento."
"What did Anakin give to Padme for christmas? Sithilis"
"I could have sworn I heard a chorus of a thousand tiny voices rising up from the shower drain to wish me a Happy Fathers Day."
"I'd participate in more blind taste tests if they didn't always scream & hit me with their canes while I'm licking them."