206901
Joke of the Day
"I blame instagram for making these basic b*tches think that they're ""models"" in real life."
Next Joke
"This no more tears shampoo sucks. I've been feeding it to my friends kid and he's still crying. nnnnMust be doing something wrong."
"Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Food is great but the atmosphere is terrible!"
"How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Wash her hand out with soap. ... rearranged the furniture. ... put her in a round room and told her to go sit in the corner."
"I'm terrified of the day robots become self-aware and start wearing fedoras."
"When I was born I was so mad at my parents I didn't talk to them for 2 years"
"Our last fight was my fault.. My wife asked me ""whats on the tv?"" I said ""dust."""
"Leave comments under the college videos on porn sites. Like, 'Kelly, you better be getting an A if you're fucking the professor. Love Mom'"
"Dear Coworker, If I'm nodding my head & smiling at everything you've said, this means I'm fantasizing about getting banged by David Beckham."
"I want to press charges on Santa If he knows when I'm sleeping, and he knows when I'm awake, that has to be considered stocking."