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Joke of the Day

"If my wife ends an argument with ""Fine, do what you want!"" I'm pretty sure the words ""If you do, I'll stab you in your sleep"" are implied."

"An old teacher asked her student... ""If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"" The student replied, ""It is obviously past."""

"The C in Closed is open... but the O in Open is closed"

"How long does it take to for Mexicans to do a job? Oh, wait... they're done."

"Please stop looking so hot, I'm trying to stop liking you."

"Some say my wife looks like Mel B. Unfortunately, the B stands for Brooks."

"I just watched two mice screwing in a lightbulb But for the life of me, I can't figure out how they got in there."

"I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported."

"What is your best wordplay joke? My personal favourite: Two peanuts walked into a bar, one was assaulted."

"I'll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, ""I'm here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don't care."""