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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the 'Flock of Seagulls' fan who shot himself? [OC] Apparently the gun had a hair trigger."

"As an ornothologist and a pimp I structure payment based on the old saying: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

"Batman threw Two-Face at my car, and now it has a Harvey Dent"

"What does Trumps Hair and a Thong have in common..? They both barely cover the asshole."

"In my next life, I'd like to come back as one of those girls who ""forgets"" to eat."

"The worst part about my dad having a ponytail is, whenever we go out to eat, the server automatically hands the bill to me."

"Best book quotes out of context Touching the void: 'Fuck me, it's enormous!'"

"Ah you love me that's great. Now I'll do a bunch of terrible shit because I need to be sure you love me no matter what"

"At first I wondered.. How on earth does Hillary Clinton sleep at night? Then I realised - First she *lies* on one side, then she *lies* on the other."

"Special Hand Job on Olympic Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics... You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better..."