148954

Joke of the Day

"At first I wondered.. How on earth does Hillary Clinton sleep at night? Then I realised - First she *lies* on one side, then she *lies* on the other."

"So this is weird: I bent over to pick up a cashew & a bunch of hot, scented air rushed out of my bottome-hole, making a curious noise."

"Not being able to read because your book ran out of batteries is a pretty hilarious first-world problem."

"how many corrections officers does it take to throw an inmate down the stairs? none he fell"

"Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors? If it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan"

"I was out of tanning oil once, so I used PAM Cooking Spray. The tan didn't stick."

"I found girl lying on railroad tracks. I untied her, took her into bushes and we had great sex. No head, though. I never found it."

"Hey movie villains make a bomb where the wires are all one color."

"If Jack helped you off the horse... ... would you help Jack off the horse? I tried."

"Eating clocks is probably the most time consuming thing you could ever do."