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Joke of the Day

"General: Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy? Me: I mustard the troops. General: ... Me: Just as you told me to, sir."

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"I feel sorry for Justin Bieber. He's had to go to every Justin Bieber concert."
"TIFU by having the wrong teacher take my class for me while I was off Work. Whoops, wrong sub."
"What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus? Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry."
"Doctor: what seems to be the problem? Me: I need to be docted Doctor: you came to the right place. I'm a doctor. I doct people"
"I always eat tacos over a tortilla, so when stuff falls out BOOM extra taco"
"An identity thief... takes things personally"
"What do you call a pallbearer from Oklahoma? A Karaoke"
"Today I saw a bird shit on somebody for no apparent reason at all. Then I thought of you."
"A man died after following the World Health Organisation's advice: ""Eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day."" He ate 3 watermelons and two pumpkins."
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