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Joke of the Day

"I feel sorry for Justin Bieber. He's had to go to every Justin Bieber concert."

"You know what's stupider than a cow? Two cows."

"I so want to be in a relationship. I want to account for everything I do. Answer to someone when I come home late. And get dragged over the coals for not calling a hundred times a day."

"What's the difference between a duck and a curling iron? A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance"

"The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use."

"I saw a crazy squirrel today.. He was fucking nuts."

"People tell me I have ADHD Wanna ride bikes?"

"From now on everyone should start saying ""No"" when asked to be put on hold."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you."

"Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat? Cause if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat."