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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: what seems to be the problem? Me: I need to be docted Doctor: you came to the right place. I'm a doctor. I doct people"

"Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature? First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare"

"What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? Hey! We really DO taste like chicken!"

"Each one of us has a secret. My secret is that I can't keep a secret. Also Jill is a lesbian."

"If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country. If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. It's not like I don't like either one. I just love to travel."

"Why does it see like fur is more hated than leather? Its easy to harass a 90lb aneroxic and walk away. It's a lot harder to do the same to the 250lb tattooed, long haired, biker."

"I bumped into my rival jousting opponent. We exchanged lances."

"Whenever someone says, ""Good question"" I never hear their answer because I'm too busy congratulating myself for asking such a good question."

"My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats That's nuts, I told him"

"ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf. HER: *giggling* So, my place or... ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers* HER: WHAT THE"