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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by having the wrong teacher take my class for me while I was off Work. Whoops, wrong sub."

"*mom puts a gummy vitamin in my mouth while I yawn* Mom, I'm 36. *chews it up, swallows* Adults are supposed to have 2 though."

"in the middle east you can't drink But you can get stoned For drinking"

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible."

"Ban pre-shredded cheese Make America grate again!"

"Is my wife dissatisfied with me? A tiny part of me says yes.."

"I had to give away peeve, my Great Dane. But I don't really care because once he grew up he was my biggest pet peeve."

"Did you hear about the new drug that makes its users apathetic? It's called Crystal Meh"

"I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler's diarrhea."

"How many Jews does it take to fix a country? -6 million"