206613

Joke of the Day

"Look, if you didn't want to go to prison you should've started a war or destroyed the economy. But you downloaded a movie, you felon"

"Why do Scuba divers fall backwards off the boat, and into the water? Because if they fell forward, they'd fall into the boat."

"confucious says man who worships the pussy.... puts his thrust in god."

"Just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. Will keep you posted."

"A wife comes home and says, ""Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery!"" The guy says, ""Great darling. Should I pack for the ocean or the mountains?"" She says, ""I don't care, get out!"""

"Some people are so fake that they make Pamela Anderson's boobs look real!"

"I'm not one of those moms who talks about her kids all the time because their lives don't interest me in the least."

"I'm gonna drag a terrified family into a shack in the woods at knife point but then just make them have a Wii bowling tournament with me."

"""Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?"" Wife: ""Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?"" ""...Yes"" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*"

"Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain."