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Joke of the Day

"*returns tent to Target* CASHIER: What was the problem? ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent"

"What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy goat? A crashing bore."

"this is the worst weather ive ever seen ""what about when the wind had sharks in it?"" that was a movie dad ""oh excuse me weather expert"""

"If Jesus could walk on water and cucumbers are 96% water and I can walk on cucumbers does that mean the other 4% accounts for Jesus's dick?"

"How can you make seven even? Take away the letter S."

"If my guitar weeped, gently or otherwise, the song I'd write would be called, ""Holy Shit, My Fucking Guitar Is Weeping."""

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind a 5k, but my running group wants to a 10k. I don't like them."

"What did the elephant say to the naked man?.. How can you breath through that thing."

"Did you know if you beat up a monk then he's no longer vegetarian? He becomes a *sore-sage*."

"I went to Africa to help with the Ebola crisis. When I left, my mentor said thanks and told me that all of Africa was behind me. I instinctively reached for my wallet."