181944

Joke of the Day

"A feminist grammar-nazi's favourite joke (NOT a mean joke) A woman without her man is nothing! ""Wait, that's not quite right!"" A woman; without her, man is nothing!"

"I returned some shorts to Walmart and bought a pizza, with the credit I had received, to share with my wife... She kinda ate my shorts."

"If honey is supposed to be so great for your voice, why does it sound like Winnie the Pooh has been shotgunning bleach?"

"I hate people who say ""Age is just a number"" Age is clearly a word."

"They agree I'm funny I started my new job at the retirement center today. Told the residents that I'm a really funny guy. They didn't understand any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves."

"Why did the chicken... ...cross the Mobius strip?"

"If someone finds a corpse, in the river off 4th St., in a blue suitcase, it wasn't me."

"A seal walks in to a club... haha"

"I don't care what your bio says. You retweet me, it's not only an endorsement, it represents the views of your employer."

"There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE."