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Joke of the Day

"A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass. The doctor described his condition as stable."

"My 85 year old Grandfather just burned me so hard... Me: ""Hey Pup, know what I've been thinking?"" Pup: ""Is that what I smell burning?"""

"Avian Oprah outside my bedroom window: ""YOU get a worm! And YOU get a worm!"" They're going nuts out there."

"Today I got chased by a thief trying to steal my wallet.. I managed to get away, but he definitely gave me a good run for my money!"

"What do gay horses eat? HAY HAY HAY!"

"Talking about planets with my nephew. He asked if you could Plow thru Uranus because it's all gas"

"What do you say if you meet a toad? Wart's new?"

"What language do farsighted people speak? Farsi."

"TIL that vaccines contain a small amount of mercury, a chemical component that leads to autism. -Idiotic Soccer Mom, 2k16"

"I make the Transformers sound when I change into sweatpants."