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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar.... ...holding a set of jumper cables and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says ""okay, I'll serve you, but don't you start anything!"""

"I masticate at least three times a day, usually at my computer Damn sticky keys!"

"If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. *They're normally around 90 degrees.*"

"Ever heard the song Coldplay wrote about the American Civil War? It goes: ""When you try your best, but you don't secede""."

"what do you get when you mix a Shih Tzu and a bull B.S."

"Only sometimes do I use semicolons in my writing; I don't want to sound like a *complete* asshole. edit: grammar. Thanks, /u/jwfiredragon"

"What's a waste of time, wrapped up and is regular near Christmas? Shitty Christmas Jokes"

"Developers with New Game Ideas ""Ok I got it. Here's my epic title. Patent pending! Subjugate The Rest of the World...sounds fun right?"" Where do I have to travel to play this game?"

"That moment you are trying to figure out if you are Joey, Ross, or Chandler and you realize you're Gunther."

"Two muffins are in an oven. The first says ""It sure is hot in here""... and the baker says, ""HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN"""