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Joke of the Day

"They say god dosn't give people they can't handle. Except cancer."

"Casting agent: If we hire you at SNL what would you like to accomplish? Me: Staying up past 10:00."

"What is a blind persons favourite song? Hello darkness my old friend"

"What are you doing tonight? Your wife."

"What do you call a cold cafe worker? A burrrista."

"Did you hear about that mexican murdering train driver? He had locomotives."

"You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn't notice... until they needed to wink at somebody."

"Helen Keller I pushed Helen Keller into a ditch in the middle of the woods, she screamed and screamed until her hands hurt."

"I filmed myself having sex in 4K I can't wait to upload all 2 megabytes of footage!"

"I like my women in the same fashion I like my pencil lead. Thin, black, and easily breakable."