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Joke of the Day
"Casting agent: If we hire you at SNL what would you like to accomplish? Me: Staying up past 10:00."
Next Joke
"Which band does feminists hate the most? Cis-tem of a Down"
"A man is talking to his friend who has recently been diagnosed with cancer Not knowing what to say he awkwardly asks him ""how's the cancer?"" He replies ""I dunno it's kinda growing on me"""
"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from."
"Whats hard, black, and keeps me up all night? My Roku."
"This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk."
"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple a piece of bread on the ceiling"
"Everything happens for a reason; unfortunately, sometimes the reason is you."
"[first date] ""So... you didn't mention that you're trapped in 230 million year old amber."" [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]"
"There are 10 types of people. Ones who understand binary, and ones that don't."