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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] What do male pornstars and miners have in common? They both specialise in drilling 'ores."

"[travels back in time] [accidentally kills Baby Charlie Chaplin]"

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie's life? Because he was too far out maaaan. (Hippy voice)"

"RABBIT HUSBAND: You look even better after a full day of work. I don't know how you do it, honey. RABBIT WIFE: They test cosmetics on me."

"PATIENT: I broke my arm in 3 places DOCTOR: Then dont go to those places!"

"Just snipped off a toddler's faux-hawk while his mom was in the bathroom at Starbucks, because I give a shit about the future."

"The author finally found the spineless guy who stole her unpublished draft. She got her paperback and booked it"

"Capt of Titanic: ""Mayday! We are sinking"" Coastguard: ""What happened?"" *Cthulhu makes throat-slit gesture with tentacle* Capt: ""Iceberg"""

"My girlfriend got an abortion She said she didn't want another sister to compete with."

"I spent 69 years making memes in a musty dungeon. They were pretty dank."